The door opened silently. I felt the breeze on the back of my neck as she walked towards the small bar I had set up in the corner, her eyes watching me the whole way. I willed myself to focus on the whiskey glass in my hand and swished the contents slightly, the liquid catching the light and causing it to dance in my eyes. My library was my place of peace, my sanctuary.
I smiled slightly to myself and glanced up. Her back was to me as she poured herself a drink and my gaze lingered on her figure. Her brown hair cascaded around her shoulders as she moved, her natural grace made even more apparent by the elegant blue dress she was wearing. She turned, meeting my gaze, and smiled, as if knowing something I did not. Her eyes were the same color as her dress, both of which shone beautifully in the dim light.
"Maura," I said, bringing the glass up to my lips, "what brings you away from the party?" I took a long sip.
"I was going to ask you the same thing. Great minds, I guess...." she trailed off as she walked to chair opposite me. Her fingers traced the curve of the chair, stopping to encircle each rivet as she lowered her chin slightly and looked deeply into my eyes.
My stomach clenched as I resisted the urge to stand and take her in my arms. How suddenly I found myself envious of that chair.
I donned a look of mock offense. "Now, now," I replied, "what kind of ungracious guest deflects a question from her host?"
She laughed and adopted a hurt look. "I was simply admiring the house. My host seems to have, rather uncouthly I might add, forgotten to give his guest a tour of the premises." She smiled playfully, "I was simply satisfying my curiosity."
She circled the chair, swaying slightly with each step, and sat down, crossing her legs.
I took another sip, my fingers tingling and my face flushed. "And are you satisfied?" I asked.
"Not entirely," she said, leaning forward, raising her drink slightly. She brought the glass to her lips and sipped, peering over the rim.
"What would satisfy you?" I held her gaze meaningfully, fighting back a smile. "Perhaps an official tour?"
The door opened quickly and the noise from the party poured in. The door frame occupied by a man's silhouette.
"Maura," the doorway rumbled, "the Paulsons are leaving and they wanted to say goodbye."
Maura rose, "Of course, Tom." She turned towards me and nodded slightly. "To be continued, then?" she said quietly.
I nodded in reply and she headed for the door. I could feel Tom's eyes on me, so I focused on my glass, once again holding it to the light. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tom shift slightly as Maura quickly walked past.
Once she had left the room, Tom started towards me. I fixated on the glass in my hand as Tom came to a stop, towering over where I sat.
"Are you looking for a tour of the house as well?" I mentioned offhandedly.
I felt the hefty weight of his hand on my shoulder.
"Happy birthday, Robert."
He turned and walked out of the room, closing the door swiftly behind him, leaving me impressed by just how much a congratulations could sound menacing.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
The Gunfighter
Smoke
lazed listlessly from His hip, tracing a trail from the faint cloud
that rested in front of Him at waist level to His holster, and from His
holster the still-smoking gun pothered its secret from mouth to ear. It
was both infinite and instant, the whole movement taking less than a
second while at the same time, within that second, being immeasurable
from His point of view.
(The butcher would later swear that it was only (snap of a thumb and forefinger) “that” long, while the saloon owner would argue it was slightly faster than that, due to the butcher’s fingers being like that of the thick meat he butchered as well as his dislike of the butcher’s profession, which made it possible for the fine folks of Ridge Canyon to stay situated at their homes rather than traverse to the local saloon for their evening meal.)
He was someone of no regard — born of neither noble blood nor regal name, He was found on the doorsteps of a nunnery wrapped in a burlap sack, bleeding from its coarseness.
Sharp Eyes took in His surroundings. The rain of the day before had left the air humid. (The desert heat had already dried up the palpable moisture in the ground and on the buildings and the drinking water for the horses had to be filled up constantly. The desert sun was unforgiving, and many of the residents had tanned and sun-burnt faces due simply to walking to the barber from their homes. Oh yes, the desert was an unforgiving place.) Humidity might make Thunder (The name of His left Colt 45.) and Lightning (The name of His right Colt 45.) stick in their holsters. Might make the hammer slippery. Might make the hammer harder to pull back.
The Sharp Eyes took in the faces of the onlookers. Their fear. It excited Him. Made His blood drum His fingers with His heart’s beat. Negated any fear of His own.
(An imagined fear He had instilled in them. He was God. He alone controlled Thunder and Lightning, and both only struck the same place once. Accuracy had no need for two.)
His fingers curved endlessly to the ground. They ached for tension. They longed for cold, humid steel. Just seconds ago they had pulled back His overcoat to reveal Lightning. But course cloth is no replacement for moist steel (It was damp enough for a misfire. Better throw two.) and they still ached for the measured tension of the familiar. They knew exactly how far the trigger would go before the hammer went. They were intimate with the sting felt from the gunpowder as it sphered outwards from the chamber. A sting that left them sensitive and feeling from far away.
He stared at the man across from Him. he screamed obscenities. he screamed vengeance. he screamed his face red and his saliva gone.
Movement.
his hand, pivoting from the elbow, shot towards the oak handle of his gun. He followed suit. Only a fool makes the first move. He loved the chase. It bolstered His senses. His fingers drummed furious beats.
he was fast. he wasn’t as fast as Him though. Hands met handles at the same time. The look on his face was humorous. Shit-squinty eyes. Patchy beard. Pursed lips. He chuckled inwardly.
The Shot rang out. Eyes opened wide in surprise. His Sharp Eyes opened wide in surprise and pain as the bullet passed cleanly through his heart and continued on into the dessert outside of Ridge Canyon.
Smoke lazed listlessly from His hip, tracing a trail from the faint cloud that rested in front of Him at waist level to His holster, and from His holster the still-smoking gun pothered its secret from mouth to ear. It was both infinite and instant, the whole movement taking less than a second while at the same time, within that second, being immeasurable from His point of view.
But He had shot wide, His mistake bringing infinity into a measureable distance. And in His confidence He had holstered His gun, expecting to see him drop to the floor. His slug had gone wide and buried itself into the shoulder of him. he had been able to squeeze off a single shot before His bullet’s momentum spun him counterclockwise into the ground.
His heart no longer beat. He stood up straight and tall. Then He collapsed, the weight of His body no longer supported by His legs. (Though the town doctor said He had died before His body hit the ground.) His impact with the Earth created a cloud of dust that circled outwards from His body and carried up to the neighboring roofs before dissipating. As the dust rose He convulsed. (Many of the residents swore that this convulsion was the creation of a soul eager to leave a body that lived a long, hard life.) His back arching His chest towards the sky as His Sharp Eyes stared fruitlessly upwards, in permanent disbelief .
(The doctor rushed out to treat him. he shoved him away and walked over to His body. Looking down, he spit on His face as the dust settled, creating a paste within His still moist eyes.)
(The butcher would later swear that it was only (snap of a thumb and forefinger) “that” long, while the saloon owner would argue it was slightly faster than that, due to the butcher’s fingers being like that of the thick meat he butchered as well as his dislike of the butcher’s profession, which made it possible for the fine folks of Ridge Canyon to stay situated at their homes rather than traverse to the local saloon for their evening meal.)
He was someone of no regard — born of neither noble blood nor regal name, He was found on the doorsteps of a nunnery wrapped in a burlap sack, bleeding from its coarseness.
Sharp Eyes took in His surroundings. The rain of the day before had left the air humid. (The desert heat had already dried up the palpable moisture in the ground and on the buildings and the drinking water for the horses had to be filled up constantly. The desert sun was unforgiving, and many of the residents had tanned and sun-burnt faces due simply to walking to the barber from their homes. Oh yes, the desert was an unforgiving place.) Humidity might make Thunder (The name of His left Colt 45.) and Lightning (The name of His right Colt 45.) stick in their holsters. Might make the hammer slippery. Might make the hammer harder to pull back.
The Sharp Eyes took in the faces of the onlookers. Their fear. It excited Him. Made His blood drum His fingers with His heart’s beat. Negated any fear of His own.
(An imagined fear He had instilled in them. He was God. He alone controlled Thunder and Lightning, and both only struck the same place once. Accuracy had no need for two.)
His fingers curved endlessly to the ground. They ached for tension. They longed for cold, humid steel. Just seconds ago they had pulled back His overcoat to reveal Lightning. But course cloth is no replacement for moist steel (It was damp enough for a misfire. Better throw two.) and they still ached for the measured tension of the familiar. They knew exactly how far the trigger would go before the hammer went. They were intimate with the sting felt from the gunpowder as it sphered outwards from the chamber. A sting that left them sensitive and feeling from far away.
He stared at the man across from Him. he screamed obscenities. he screamed vengeance. he screamed his face red and his saliva gone.
Movement.
his hand, pivoting from the elbow, shot towards the oak handle of his gun. He followed suit. Only a fool makes the first move. He loved the chase. It bolstered His senses. His fingers drummed furious beats.
he was fast. he wasn’t as fast as Him though. Hands met handles at the same time. The look on his face was humorous. Shit-squinty eyes. Patchy beard. Pursed lips. He chuckled inwardly.
The Shot rang out. Eyes opened wide in surprise. His Sharp Eyes opened wide in surprise and pain as the bullet passed cleanly through his heart and continued on into the dessert outside of Ridge Canyon.
Smoke lazed listlessly from His hip, tracing a trail from the faint cloud that rested in front of Him at waist level to His holster, and from His holster the still-smoking gun pothered its secret from mouth to ear. It was both infinite and instant, the whole movement taking less than a second while at the same time, within that second, being immeasurable from His point of view.
But He had shot wide, His mistake bringing infinity into a measureable distance. And in His confidence He had holstered His gun, expecting to see him drop to the floor. His slug had gone wide and buried itself into the shoulder of him. he had been able to squeeze off a single shot before His bullet’s momentum spun him counterclockwise into the ground.
His heart no longer beat. He stood up straight and tall. Then He collapsed, the weight of His body no longer supported by His legs. (Though the town doctor said He had died before His body hit the ground.) His impact with the Earth created a cloud of dust that circled outwards from His body and carried up to the neighboring roofs before dissipating. As the dust rose He convulsed. (Many of the residents swore that this convulsion was the creation of a soul eager to leave a body that lived a long, hard life.) His back arching His chest towards the sky as His Sharp Eyes stared fruitlessly upwards, in permanent disbelief .
(The doctor rushed out to treat him. he shoved him away and walked over to His body. Looking down, he spit on His face as the dust settled, creating a paste within His still moist eyes.)
Circumlocutive Breakup
I’m just gonna come out and say it: Look, we’ve been together for a
while now, but it’s felt like an eternity. And no, I don’t mean it in a
good way. And I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but the nature of this
conversation is going to hurt anyways so I might as well just suck it
up and say it:
But it’s so much harder than I’m making it seem. “Just say it” doesn’t do “it” justice. I’ve been dreading this for so long that I put it off and put it off and put it off but I’ve had enough. I’ve had more than enough.
God, it’s taking everything I have not to swear out of frustration and anger at you, but I don’t want to give you the wrong idea about it. You know the cliché, “It’s not you, it’s me?” Well in this case it’s you and me. You’re you. I never expected you to change. And I’m me, and I’d hoped you never expected me to change, though by looking at your face right now I guess “change” was your ultimate goal. It’s mine too, right now at least. That’s why this is so hard. So I’m just gonna come out and say it —
But it’s so much harder than I’m making it seem. “Just say it” doesn’t do “it” justice. I’ve been dreading this for so long that I put it off and put it off and put it off but I’ve had enough. I’ve had more than enough.
God, it’s taking everything I have not to swear out of frustration and anger at you, but I don’t want to give you the wrong idea about it. You know the cliché, “It’s not you, it’s me?” Well in this case it’s you and me. You’re you. I never expected you to change. And I’m me, and I’d hoped you never expected me to change, though by looking at your face right now I guess “change” was your ultimate goal. It’s mine too, right now at least. That’s why this is so hard. So I’m just gonna come out and say it —
The End
"This isn't how it was supposed to be."
I didn't look up.
"This isn't how it was supposed to be," he repeated.
I didn't need to look up. I had already memorized his graying features and his fraying brand of sanity. Not like there was much else to do besides watch the rockets go off and up and away into a space that I could never enter.
I was sixteen then. Of the age when governmental separation could be legally enacted.
It's funny how the most important day of your life (excluding birth and death, I don't think anyone really remembers either of those) could still remain a little fuzzy in your memory. I tried, believe me. The gods know how hard I'd tried. But once the government decides something is for the benefit of the people it's hard to convince them otherwise.
It's not like they didn't give you a warning. That's the part that is supposed to make it acceptable I think. My parents got a full year of warning, and they were luckier than most, from what I hear, or, heard, as it seems more appropriate for the current time.
But they only got the warning because it came on the day of my fifteenth birthday. Most people don't get pulled until their kids are at least eighteen. They claim this is beneficial for the parents as well as the child.
"By eighteen, one should already be settled comfortably into a career and prepared to live on one's own."
My parents were, are, more intelligent than most. That is why they were taken so early. The Suit-Men knocked on the door and my father answered. From my seat at the table I could see him turn pale as they talked but I couldn't hear what they were saying over the voices of my friends' singing. My father came back to the table just as they finished and very quietly, without looking away from his hands that sit clenched in his lap he spoke.
"You haven't made a wish yet, son?"
I shook my head, teasing hair into my eyes and down my forehead. I too stared at my knees. He sensed rather than saw and remaining motionless he spoke one more time.
"Make it a doosie, will you, boy?"
I blew out all fifteen candles. My friends cheered and my mother, cementing a smile onto her face, began to cut and serve the cake.
I slipped out of my seat and trudged quietly out of the door and into the stagnant night air. It seemed darker than I remembered it to be. I could almost close my eyes without the lights of the city shining neon orange through them. I could almost close my eyes without the tears making their way through the cracks.
A year later it was a different scene. No friends. No cake. No cheer. We were at the R-Station waiting for clearance to pass I hugged my mother and father goodbye, my dad handed me the i-Codes I would need to access the safe and bank account, then they walked up the ramp and into the cylindric titanium-kevlar weave copper-platted EZ Launch. (The term "rocket" was considered outdated and dangerous sounding.) I was brought back into the security area "for my own safety" (there was an incident a few years back involving a maladjusted child and a viberKnife) and I watched the shuttle launch behind two separate four-inch thick bulletproof glass windows with Suit-Men fingering their holsters.
Eight years later it was a much different scene. The Organization had done an excellent job of keeping the population boom of the past twenty-five years out of the media. Officially deeming it "Classified," the Organization began preparing for the inevitable. An Earth with all resources depleted. The rationing of food was masterfully done under the guise of "Ending World Hunger." The EWH movement was so powerful that it became fashionable to refuse food in order to better serve "those in need." Of course the Organization couldn't have been more delighted, and this allowed their plans to stretch another three years, effectively gathering up ALL of the remaining resources from their respective containment facilities.
It had been so long since people had seen trees or felt rain or seen a cloud that they did not miss them, and before people could begin to question "why," let alone "how," all of the remaining resources were in orbit to keep them out of the hands of the Unchosen.
We weren't so much as "Unchosen" as we were "Unworthy." We, as a collective, simply did not have the intelligence which justified taking us into space. We would effectively be a drain upon the already limited resources. Physical labor had long since been replaced by the vastly superior, union-less, pseudo-sentient mechanical workforce. We were completely unnecessary in the development of the New Human Race.
One thing was for certain: This isn't how it was supposed to be. Morally or imaginatively. 17% (technically slightly lower, but who wants to remember decimals?) of the world's population was taken- chosen as the elite, the ones needed to recreate Earth.
He whimpered softly.
"Old man."
He looked up. I could feel his blue eyes on me.
"How long do you think they'll last." It wasn't a question. I didn't expect a response. I continued,
"How long until they find a planet that they can settle on with all the resources? They'll be dead before they even make it to the nearest one. How long before they rape that planet too? A lot less time than it took to make this hell we're living in now. Sure everything they have up there is at the peak of human efficiency. But it's always been easier to apologize than it is to ask for permission, isn't it."
I spoke in flat tones. This was my obituary. I hoped he could hear it out there, wherever he was. Let him know I'm not bitter. Just disappointed.
"They'll forget what they did to this planet. It'll take a century or two, but they'll forget. They'll go back to creating plastics with no half-lives, combustible fuels, the works. Efficiency is hard. Things'll change for the worse. You'll see. Earth is just gonna be a fairy tale in one-hundred-and-fifty years, even though it should have been more fable. We'll be a legend just like how we were told as kids that you could see the stars at night 'once upon a time.' They're blasting away but they're not going anywhere."
Forget the terminology of the age. I had given up on hope a long time ago. I was born into the wrong era. The oxygen had already started to thin out.
I could see the rockets struggling to blast off, their thin flames burning a million breaths as they shone red against the black-smog sky.
The planetary power had been cut off. The glow of rocket engines for the past two weeks had been constant, and the only source of light. It's strange how beautiful fire is when it's going away from you. Beautiful and sad.
Soon the rockets launched fewer and fewer. The sky no longer roared and sputtered. Instead it sounded like the ocean simulator my father had created when I was a boy. A constant and gentle fuzz in the background of my eyes. I could still feel the rumbling in my stomach, intensified by hunger, but I no longer felt the constant trembling of the Earth.
The rockets sputter began to fade, and one last rocket whisked away through the sky in the distance completely silent as it slid through the thick atmosphere and smog.
And then it was dark. For the first time in a millennium it was naturally and wholly dark and perfectly quiet. I stared at the ground for hours, fumbling in the darkness with my hands. The silence was broken by a wail released from the Unchosen. It went on for hours.
My night-vision finally arrived and I looked at my hands and realized I had dug my nails into the my palms, forcing them to bleed. How silly of me not to notice. Now that I realized them they were quite painful.
The air was gone now. All around me sleeping bodies panted for breath, simply remaining conscious became a laborious and difficult effort.
I leaned back against a crate, and as I put weight onto my shoulders I noticed a light. I glanced up, surprised that a rocket could be this late in it's departure and the light was gone. As my chin began to make it's final journey into my chest I saw another light. I wept. I hadn't shed a tear since my fifteenth birthday, but here I was on death's bed, weeping with joy. The ships, in their fiery haste, had blown through the sky at such a speed that they had unintentionally cleared paths through the smog. Now, in near-perfect darkness the stars shone through the thinly-veiled spots in the sky where the rockets had torn through the pollution.
I turned my head to the side and stared at the man who's graying features were already turning sepia in my memory. His lifeless face was stuck in an upward position, mouth open, staring at the sky. With my gaze fixed on his features I could more clearly see the stars through the corners of my eyes. At least legends are remembered, I suppose.
Dad,
I'm not bitter, just disappointed I wasn't enough to come with you.
-Son
I didn't look up.
"This isn't how it was supposed to be," he repeated.
I didn't need to look up. I had already memorized his graying features and his fraying brand of sanity. Not like there was much else to do besides watch the rockets go off and up and away into a space that I could never enter.
I was sixteen then. Of the age when governmental separation could be legally enacted.
It's funny how the most important day of your life (excluding birth and death, I don't think anyone really remembers either of those) could still remain a little fuzzy in your memory. I tried, believe me. The gods know how hard I'd tried. But once the government decides something is for the benefit of the people it's hard to convince them otherwise.
It's not like they didn't give you a warning. That's the part that is supposed to make it acceptable I think. My parents got a full year of warning, and they were luckier than most, from what I hear, or, heard, as it seems more appropriate for the current time.
But they only got the warning because it came on the day of my fifteenth birthday. Most people don't get pulled until their kids are at least eighteen. They claim this is beneficial for the parents as well as the child.
"By eighteen, one should already be settled comfortably into a career and prepared to live on one's own."
My parents were, are, more intelligent than most. That is why they were taken so early. The Suit-Men knocked on the door and my father answered. From my seat at the table I could see him turn pale as they talked but I couldn't hear what they were saying over the voices of my friends' singing. My father came back to the table just as they finished and very quietly, without looking away from his hands that sit clenched in his lap he spoke.
"You haven't made a wish yet, son?"
I shook my head, teasing hair into my eyes and down my forehead. I too stared at my knees. He sensed rather than saw and remaining motionless he spoke one more time.
"Make it a doosie, will you, boy?"
I blew out all fifteen candles. My friends cheered and my mother, cementing a smile onto her face, began to cut and serve the cake.
I slipped out of my seat and trudged quietly out of the door and into the stagnant night air. It seemed darker than I remembered it to be. I could almost close my eyes without the lights of the city shining neon orange through them. I could almost close my eyes without the tears making their way through the cracks.
A year later it was a different scene. No friends. No cake. No cheer. We were at the R-Station waiting for clearance to pass I hugged my mother and father goodbye, my dad handed me the i-Codes I would need to access the safe and bank account, then they walked up the ramp and into the cylindric titanium-kevlar weave copper-platted EZ Launch. (The term "rocket" was considered outdated and dangerous sounding.) I was brought back into the security area "for my own safety" (there was an incident a few years back involving a maladjusted child and a viberKnife) and I watched the shuttle launch behind two separate four-inch thick bulletproof glass windows with Suit-Men fingering their holsters.
Eight years later it was a much different scene. The Organization had done an excellent job of keeping the population boom of the past twenty-five years out of the media. Officially deeming it "Classified," the Organization began preparing for the inevitable. An Earth with all resources depleted. The rationing of food was masterfully done under the guise of "Ending World Hunger." The EWH movement was so powerful that it became fashionable to refuse food in order to better serve "those in need." Of course the Organization couldn't have been more delighted, and this allowed their plans to stretch another three years, effectively gathering up ALL of the remaining resources from their respective containment facilities.
It had been so long since people had seen trees or felt rain or seen a cloud that they did not miss them, and before people could begin to question "why," let alone "how," all of the remaining resources were in orbit to keep them out of the hands of the Unchosen.
We weren't so much as "Unchosen" as we were "Unworthy." We, as a collective, simply did not have the intelligence which justified taking us into space. We would effectively be a drain upon the already limited resources. Physical labor had long since been replaced by the vastly superior, union-less, pseudo-sentient mechanical workforce. We were completely unnecessary in the development of the New Human Race.
One thing was for certain: This isn't how it was supposed to be. Morally or imaginatively. 17% (technically slightly lower, but who wants to remember decimals?) of the world's population was taken- chosen as the elite, the ones needed to recreate Earth.
He whimpered softly.
"Old man."
He looked up. I could feel his blue eyes on me.
"How long do you think they'll last." It wasn't a question. I didn't expect a response. I continued,
"How long until they find a planet that they can settle on with all the resources? They'll be dead before they even make it to the nearest one. How long before they rape that planet too? A lot less time than it took to make this hell we're living in now. Sure everything they have up there is at the peak of human efficiency. But it's always been easier to apologize than it is to ask for permission, isn't it."
I spoke in flat tones. This was my obituary. I hoped he could hear it out there, wherever he was. Let him know I'm not bitter. Just disappointed.
"They'll forget what they did to this planet. It'll take a century or two, but they'll forget. They'll go back to creating plastics with no half-lives, combustible fuels, the works. Efficiency is hard. Things'll change for the worse. You'll see. Earth is just gonna be a fairy tale in one-hundred-and-fifty years, even though it should have been more fable. We'll be a legend just like how we were told as kids that you could see the stars at night 'once upon a time.' They're blasting away but they're not going anywhere."
Forget the terminology of the age. I had given up on hope a long time ago. I was born into the wrong era. The oxygen had already started to thin out.
I could see the rockets struggling to blast off, their thin flames burning a million breaths as they shone red against the black-smog sky.
The planetary power had been cut off. The glow of rocket engines for the past two weeks had been constant, and the only source of light. It's strange how beautiful fire is when it's going away from you. Beautiful and sad.
Soon the rockets launched fewer and fewer. The sky no longer roared and sputtered. Instead it sounded like the ocean simulator my father had created when I was a boy. A constant and gentle fuzz in the background of my eyes. I could still feel the rumbling in my stomach, intensified by hunger, but I no longer felt the constant trembling of the Earth.
The rockets sputter began to fade, and one last rocket whisked away through the sky in the distance completely silent as it slid through the thick atmosphere and smog.
And then it was dark. For the first time in a millennium it was naturally and wholly dark and perfectly quiet. I stared at the ground for hours, fumbling in the darkness with my hands. The silence was broken by a wail released from the Unchosen. It went on for hours.
My night-vision finally arrived and I looked at my hands and realized I had dug my nails into the my palms, forcing them to bleed. How silly of me not to notice. Now that I realized them they were quite painful.
The air was gone now. All around me sleeping bodies panted for breath, simply remaining conscious became a laborious and difficult effort.
I leaned back against a crate, and as I put weight onto my shoulders I noticed a light. I glanced up, surprised that a rocket could be this late in it's departure and the light was gone. As my chin began to make it's final journey into my chest I saw another light. I wept. I hadn't shed a tear since my fifteenth birthday, but here I was on death's bed, weeping with joy. The ships, in their fiery haste, had blown through the sky at such a speed that they had unintentionally cleared paths through the smog. Now, in near-perfect darkness the stars shone through the thinly-veiled spots in the sky where the rockets had torn through the pollution.
I turned my head to the side and stared at the man who's graying features were already turning sepia in my memory. His lifeless face was stuck in an upward position, mouth open, staring at the sky. With my gaze fixed on his features I could more clearly see the stars through the corners of my eyes. At least legends are remembered, I suppose.
Dad,
I'm not bitter, just disappointed I wasn't enough to come with you.
-Son
Heartbeats
Witness #1
Q-
A- Coincidences happen, I guess. Unfortunate coincidences too.
Q-
A- Well I’m not like, a “poet” or anything.
Q-
A- Okay, well, first off: I’m just a cashier there, and I’m still kinda freaked out by all this. And I didn’t even really get a glimpse at the lady – I’m just sittin’ there punchin’ numbers into the register when allofasudden I just hear this crash. There’s a shelf between me an the window so I – after hearing crash, just assumed the worst. I thought the store was getting bombed or something, so I just ducked behind the counter.
Q-
A- No, I don’t think there was any sort of crime committed involving that. But the chick that was buying the stuff just grabbed all her shit—Can I say that? Don’t write it down, okay, I don’t want my ma to see that I said that. Anyways, that chick just grabbed all her…stuff, and just ran out. That’s the only crime. She had like, three hundred dollars of… yeah okay good. ‘Cause my boss just thought I was full of sh…it, and I don’t wanna have to pay back what was stole, ya’ know?
Q-
A- Well that’s helpful. Look, there was just a crash: I didn’t hear a scream, I just hid behind the counter. Please don’t make me say that on the stand or something, kay?
Witness #2
Q-
A- Yeah, I saw it. She prolly got what was coming to her.
Q-
A- Well I wouldn’t say “divine intervention” or anythin’ like that. But crap like this happens for a reason. I’m not saying God put a little extra gusto into that ball, or that He pushed that lady’s pace a little bit, but I ain’t sayin’ otherwise neither.
Q-
A- God’s motive?
Q-
A- Nah. Just a couple kids playin’ baseball in some parkin’ lot. I see it all the time. It’s not like they knew what’d happen. Hell, I saw it and I barely believe it.
Q-
A- No, that’s called faith.
Q-
A- I didn’t know her. Good lookin’ broad about four inches shorter than me.
Q-
A- Well she was good enough for me to look for a while. You know how it goes, pal.
Q-
A- Yeah.
Q-
A- Well I was right across the street. I heard some screams from the kids and then just a gasp. Real quiet-like, then the shatter…I’m sorry, but I ain’t too used to seeing the cold handsah death close around someone like that. Just gimme a minute.
Witness #3
Q-
A- Ummm, yeah...I saw what happened. There was this real friendly thing about her that reminded me of my mother, sir.
Q-
A- Oh okay sorry.
Q-
(Break for witness to compose the witness’s self)
A-Well, I go through town on my way home and I always take the same route. I go down Elm ‘til I hit Third then take a left. The older kids had a game on the school field that day so these guys were just playing in the parking lot of that Wal-Mart that they’re building.
Q-
A- Yeah, but I can’t afford a bike. I don’t mind walking.
Q-
A- I was walking and I saw her across the street. She was walking up to the intersection and –
Q-
A- Umm, it makes kind of a T shape in the road. It’s not a four-way.
Q-
A-Yes, the parking lot is…was across the street from both of us.
Q-
A- She was just walking towards me-
(Witness near hysteria. Short break is taken)
Q-
A- No I’m not thirsty. I was stopped at the crosswalk and she was just walking by that place on the corner, and she saw me looking her and she smiled at me. And I can tell when people smile just to smile so they think you think they’re nice. She actually smiled. Like she was holding it back and seeing me listening to my iPod brought it out.
Q-
A- The Jonas Brothers.
Q-
A- Yeah. All of them are good though.
Q-
A- It happened so fast. I heard a crack and I saw the ball shoot past her. Right past her face! Inches away, and she kinda jerked her head back an put her arms up like…this- ya know? Her face moved faster than anything else though. Her beautiful smile was gone so fast and her eyes got real big.
Q-
A- The baseball just went like the glass wasn’t there. A big piece of glass broke off and…I…
Q-
A- No, I have to though. For her. She seemed like a good person. The glass just fell and I saw her eyes go feary and I just closed mine and ran down the street.
Q-
A- Not past her. I couldn’t live with myself if I did. I turned right and just ran through town crying until I got home.
Witness #2
Q-
A- They told me later it was ‘cause the glass was so old. New glass don’t break like that. I know from experience ‘cause I was part of a demolition team for a while.
Q-
A- Look jackass, that’s the not point and don’t make fucking small talk when I’m describing this shit. I’m only gonna say it once, and once is enough, ‘cause I know you’re goddamn recording this even though you never said you were.
Q-
A- Goddamn right. You weren’t there. …It’s kinda funny how the gasp was the loudest thing. And the most – I know this is gonna sound gay or whatever, but beautiful thing too. It was so weak but I still can’t get it outta my head. I looked up just in time to see her fallin’ an’ I rushed across the street. Her head was bleeding a little from it hitting the ground. But the worst was the big chunks of glass.
Q-
A- God must have really hated this poor chick or Satan must have really loved her, cause that glass messed ‘er up bad. When I got to her I could already see that she was dead. And-
Q-
A-Not literally. I mean there wasn’t shit anyone could do ‘bout it. The biggest piece had gone in right through the bottom of her neck and it hadta nicked the windpipe too, cause she was just gurgling blood. Just laying there gurgling blood. Holy shit, the blood. I could see her heart beating, ‘cause everytime it did blood would spurt out from where the glass hit her, but ‘specially her neck. People use the saying “deer in tha headlights” a lot. That was me. I was so grossed out that I couldn’t look away from her neck and mouth. I didn’t even look in her eyes.
Q-
A- No, fuck. I just stood there. I didn’t know what I was s’posedta do. Ya always hear that thing, “Don’t move someone aftur they fell. They could havah broke neck.”
Q-
A- That’s just part of it though. I couldn’t bring me ta do anything’. I wish I coulda held her hand or at least looked her in the eye and gave her some of that…emotion stuff. But instead I just stared at blood gushin’ from ‘er neck.
Q-
A- Her arms an stuff too, I guess. I didn’t see it ‘till they put her in that ambulance that came.
Q-
A- Oh yeah, long before that. She couldn’ta been there for more than a few seconds ‘fore she went.
Q-
A- I dunno. Maybe eighteen? She was out of it before that though. But I could tell she was livin’ cause of the spurts of blood that came out with the heartbeats.
Q-
A- Coincidences happen, I guess. Unfortunate coincidences too.
Q-
A- Well I’m not like, a “poet” or anything.
Q-
A- Okay, well, first off: I’m just a cashier there, and I’m still kinda freaked out by all this. And I didn’t even really get a glimpse at the lady – I’m just sittin’ there punchin’ numbers into the register when allofasudden I just hear this crash. There’s a shelf between me an the window so I – after hearing crash, just assumed the worst. I thought the store was getting bombed or something, so I just ducked behind the counter.
Q-
A- No, I don’t think there was any sort of crime committed involving that. But the chick that was buying the stuff just grabbed all her shit—Can I say that? Don’t write it down, okay, I don’t want my ma to see that I said that. Anyways, that chick just grabbed all her…stuff, and just ran out. That’s the only crime. She had like, three hundred dollars of… yeah okay good. ‘Cause my boss just thought I was full of sh…it, and I don’t wanna have to pay back what was stole, ya’ know?
Q-
A- Well that’s helpful. Look, there was just a crash: I didn’t hear a scream, I just hid behind the counter. Please don’t make me say that on the stand or something, kay?
Witness #2
Q-
A- Yeah, I saw it. She prolly got what was coming to her.
Q-
A- Well I wouldn’t say “divine intervention” or anythin’ like that. But crap like this happens for a reason. I’m not saying God put a little extra gusto into that ball, or that He pushed that lady’s pace a little bit, but I ain’t sayin’ otherwise neither.
Q-
A- God’s motive?
Q-
A- Nah. Just a couple kids playin’ baseball in some parkin’ lot. I see it all the time. It’s not like they knew what’d happen. Hell, I saw it and I barely believe it.
Q-
A- No, that’s called faith.
Q-
A- I didn’t know her. Good lookin’ broad about four inches shorter than me.
Q-
A- Well she was good enough for me to look for a while. You know how it goes, pal.
Q-
A- Yeah.
Q-
A- Well I was right across the street. I heard some screams from the kids and then just a gasp. Real quiet-like, then the shatter…I’m sorry, but I ain’t too used to seeing the cold handsah death close around someone like that. Just gimme a minute.
Witness #3
Q-
A- Ummm, yeah...I saw what happened. There was this real friendly thing about her that reminded me of my mother, sir.
Q-
A- Oh okay sorry.
Q-
(Break for witness to compose the witness’s self)
A-Well, I go through town on my way home and I always take the same route. I go down Elm ‘til I hit Third then take a left. The older kids had a game on the school field that day so these guys were just playing in the parking lot of that Wal-Mart that they’re building.
Q-
A- Yeah, but I can’t afford a bike. I don’t mind walking.
Q-
A- I was walking and I saw her across the street. She was walking up to the intersection and –
Q-
A- Umm, it makes kind of a T shape in the road. It’s not a four-way.
Q-
A-Yes, the parking lot is…was across the street from both of us.
Q-
A- She was just walking towards me-
(Witness near hysteria. Short break is taken)
Q-
A- No I’m not thirsty. I was stopped at the crosswalk and she was just walking by that place on the corner, and she saw me looking her and she smiled at me. And I can tell when people smile just to smile so they think you think they’re nice. She actually smiled. Like she was holding it back and seeing me listening to my iPod brought it out.
Q-
A- The Jonas Brothers.
Q-
A- Yeah. All of them are good though.
Q-
A- It happened so fast. I heard a crack and I saw the ball shoot past her. Right past her face! Inches away, and she kinda jerked her head back an put her arms up like…this- ya know? Her face moved faster than anything else though. Her beautiful smile was gone so fast and her eyes got real big.
Q-
A- The baseball just went like the glass wasn’t there. A big piece of glass broke off and…I…
Q-
A- No, I have to though. For her. She seemed like a good person. The glass just fell and I saw her eyes go feary and I just closed mine and ran down the street.
Q-
A- Not past her. I couldn’t live with myself if I did. I turned right and just ran through town crying until I got home.
Witness #2
Q-
A- They told me later it was ‘cause the glass was so old. New glass don’t break like that. I know from experience ‘cause I was part of a demolition team for a while.
Q-
A- Look jackass, that’s the not point and don’t make fucking small talk when I’m describing this shit. I’m only gonna say it once, and once is enough, ‘cause I know you’re goddamn recording this even though you never said you were.
Q-
A- Goddamn right. You weren’t there. …It’s kinda funny how the gasp was the loudest thing. And the most – I know this is gonna sound gay or whatever, but beautiful thing too. It was so weak but I still can’t get it outta my head. I looked up just in time to see her fallin’ an’ I rushed across the street. Her head was bleeding a little from it hitting the ground. But the worst was the big chunks of glass.
Q-
A- God must have really hated this poor chick or Satan must have really loved her, cause that glass messed ‘er up bad. When I got to her I could already see that she was dead. And-
Q-
A-Not literally. I mean there wasn’t shit anyone could do ‘bout it. The biggest piece had gone in right through the bottom of her neck and it hadta nicked the windpipe too, cause she was just gurgling blood. Just laying there gurgling blood. Holy shit, the blood. I could see her heart beating, ‘cause everytime it did blood would spurt out from where the glass hit her, but ‘specially her neck. People use the saying “deer in tha headlights” a lot. That was me. I was so grossed out that I couldn’t look away from her neck and mouth. I didn’t even look in her eyes.
Q-
A- No, fuck. I just stood there. I didn’t know what I was s’posedta do. Ya always hear that thing, “Don’t move someone aftur they fell. They could havah broke neck.”
Q-
A- That’s just part of it though. I couldn’t bring me ta do anything’. I wish I coulda held her hand or at least looked her in the eye and gave her some of that…emotion stuff. But instead I just stared at blood gushin’ from ‘er neck.
Q-
A- Her arms an stuff too, I guess. I didn’t see it ‘till they put her in that ambulance that came.
Q-
A- Oh yeah, long before that. She couldn’ta been there for more than a few seconds ‘fore she went.
Q-
A- I dunno. Maybe eighteen? She was out of it before that though. But I could tell she was livin’ cause of the spurts of blood that came out with the heartbeats.
Woven
S’cuse me, Lady.A
weak, crackly voice. Look around. The voice appears to be coming from
an elderly woman slouched against the building. People walk by ignoring
her. The sun beats on my neck.
S’cuse me, Lady.Of all the people to pick on the street, why bother me? What is it about me that makes beggars pick, out of all the people on a random street, me. I can’t turn them down when I look into their eyes. It makes them human. They’re not just another gum-stain in the sidewalk. Most people would have just gazed at her and continued walking. Oblivious. Content. Her eyes are brown, I have to respond.
S’cuse me Lady, but do you have any change you could spare. I was a nurse in the war and I saw terrible things. I —Zone her out. Most people would have just continued walking by. Why did I stop? I always stop. Now I have to give something. Ah, who am I kidding, I would have given her money anyways. There’s something about this old woman. This sort of intensity that reminds me of…well it’s not important. (Feels odd connection).
Squats down and puts a fifty dollar bill in the old woman’s upturned hat. Now people stare. The sun irritates my neck. They’re not used to such humanity towards a lowly beggar. The tips of my ears burn. The woman holds many odors, none of them plesant.
Oh God bless you, Lady! God bless you!Smile. Nod nonchalantly. Get up and turn around. A pressure on my wrist? Turn.
Lady, for your generosity I can give you something in return…Brown eyes. How did she get up so fast? She must be fitter than she looks. The smell is gone. Brown eyes that burn holes in mine. There’s a light behind those eyes. It’s unsettling. Those are the eyes of a youth. The sun is sweltering. The eyes of energy and vigor combined and wisdom. I’m interested.
Lady, I have been around for a long time.Wrinkled face. Missing teeth. I don’t doubt that.
I have seen many things, Lady,Yeah, I’ll bet.
and I have come to know the way of many things.Eh?
If you’d wish it Lady, I can tell you the events of your future.Now people are really starting to stare. The look on my face has turned sour. My face is heated. Shock and surprise label it. The sun blisters the back of my neck and ears. My face burns. Sit her back down and take her up on her offer. Sit her back down with the gum and the cracks. Hopefully she won’t bother me anymore. Of all the people to give money to…
I have seen the lives of millions, Lady. I have seen their threads weave and intertwine. Three threads from two. Four, five, six threads from two. Such is the human condition, Lady. To seek love from others.Interesting. I reach and feel my neck. No blisters. It feels cool to my touch. Her face looks so sad. She speaks in whispers now.
I have also seen threads connect and end. A thread mingles with another thread and the latter is cut short. I have felt that pain, Lady. I have known what that cut feels like.She’s a dead sun now. She radiates exhaustion. Such a presence. I can’t help but feel sympathetic. She looks up. A grin in her eyes not shared by her mouth. Such a hot day.
It is not in my intention to manipulate you, Lady. But there is one thread that has continued throughout the ages, and I have spent more than one lifetime trying to find out where it ends. But threads are tricky things. Least alone those of the eternals…but that is not for you to know right now. Reading the lives of humans is tricky enough, as Fate is forever interjecting her ways into those threads.What a crazy old bat. At least it’s an entertaining story though.
She pauses, glaring at me for a second before continuing.
Sudden loves, deaths…children.I’ve been cut somehow. Deep inside. My stomach feels twisted. My heart dropped. How did she know? My worst fear and my yearnings. My hands tremble. How? Dry throat. She must know. There’s something in those eyes. What the hell…?
Lady, I don’t mean to manipulate you. I tell you these things to gain your trust.Don’t mean to manipulate? My mind spins. Gain my trust?
Lady, I know you’re not one of much faith. But believe me when I say: You will live a long happy life. You will help others. You’ve got a good heart. You will follow it.She says these more as commandments. My skin crawls. Gooseprints dot my arms. Her words make me feel tense and loose. My spine feels oddly curved. Sweat glues my shirt to me.
She smiles at my discomfort. The eyes dull. Her posture slumping, she smiles bigger.
God bless you, Lady. God bless you…She is exhausted. My shirt comes free. My spine straightens. Get the hell outta there. Turn and walk. The temperature equalizes.
Rush down the street. That old woman was crazy. She was insane! No way. No way. No way. No way. No way. No way. Bullshit. (The mind’s voice is harsh) Bullshit! (It makes me uncomfortable) My thoughts make me uncomfortable. Part of me knows it’s true. Part of me knows that the part of me that knows it’s true is lying. I can’t…(Silence) I can’t get it out! I can’t get it out of-
A man looking down at me.
Excuse me Miss, are you alright?My eyes flash upwards. He is taken aback. My haste has steered me into collision. Two threads. I study his face.
Miss?Genuine concern. He bends down and helps me collect the items fallen from my purse. Such a big purse. I feel stupid.
Here, let me help you up.He stands next to me and takes me above the elbow. I wince. My elbow broke my fall.
Oh no!He seems near tears,
Miss, you seem really hurt.Insist decency.
No, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t help you to a hospital. You’re elbow is already swelling up.Green. Red pain flares, but green. Those eyes. For the first time in days, a smile appears. He smiles back. Those green eyes. I’d kill to see those eyes shine.
I…
His voice trails off. His blushing creates an unintentional gleam. Radient.
Cue Cheesy Montage
Going to hospital.
The first date.
The fish swim gracefully as we walk through the glass room. Separate but intertwined. I mention my inundated fear of sharks. Smiles, steering me away from the shark tank.
The second date.
The Taste. So many tastes. I get the Hawaiian shish kabob, Asian pizza for him. So many tastes. Shish-covered-lips meet pizza-lips. The tastes don’t mix. We pretend otherwise.
The seventh date.
Dinner and a movie. Neither match the conversation.
The one-month anniversary. (There was a fire downtown, did you hear? Not far from where we met)Two, four, seven-month.
Holding hands. Innocent pillow-talk.
One, two, three, (quit job downtown. Take economics job at a community college) four, five, (Wedding), six, seven years.
S’cuse me, Lady.A clear, strong voice. High pitched with high energy. Bell-like. Ringing with command. Look around. The voice appears to be coming from a little girl leaning against the building. Her knee is bent, and her foot is propped against the wall of a moderately new building. She is looking down. I couldn’t ignore her if I tried. Others walk by ignoring her. It’s a nice day. She’s not wearing any shoes.
S’cuse me, Lady.I approach. She continues to study the gum-stains. My breath catches. Not sure why. Why…why…why…eye? Why I? Why me? Why “eye”?
Fire is a funny thing, Lady.I’m shaking. I…I am petrified and confident. I’m hot and cold. What the hell?! I don’t know why.
A long time ago fire claimed the building that was once here. There was only one death and one survivor.
No.
No one knew about the death. It never really happened. Not in the way you think of death anyways, Lady.…
A long time ago I burned out. Not everything lasts forever. When it does, love becomes a curse in Blessing’s skin, but I came back.It’s too…familiar…
She studies my shoes, ankles, knees,
You haven’t been down this way for a long while, Lady.hips, fingers, palms, wrists,
Do you remember, Lady? Two can become four? Five? Six?Smiling now. Petrified still. Pewterized feet protruding from the concrete.
forearms, elbows, shoulders,
Two can become three, Lady.Ants march up and down my arms. The sun swelters my neck. The girl smells like wood, ash…the little girl smells like fire.
collarbone, chin,
Do you remember?Her hair hides her face.
I feel my center. I feel calm. I feel something ready to explode from within. I feel the sun on my neck, I feel the breeze through my hair. I feel the weight of other people on the little square of sidewalk I stand on. I feel composed, misplaced, easy.
throat,
I smell the aftershave of men as they walk by. I smell the perfume of women as they pass. I smell the filth that wafts from the sewers, insistent in its existence.
The sun is cool. It’s playing its reverse.
chin,
I hear the shoes strike the concrete. I hear the people shouting “taxi! Taxi!”, I hear the breeze as it passes my ear. I hear the car horns.
lips,
It all fades.
nose,
I hear nothing. I feel calm. I smell wood, ash, fire. I see…eyes. I hear
Remember the threads, Lady.
S’cuse me, Lady.Of all the people to pick on the street, why bother me? What is it about me that makes beggars pick, out of all the people on a random street, me. I can’t turn them down when I look into their eyes. It makes them human. They’re not just another gum-stain in the sidewalk. Most people would have just gazed at her and continued walking. Oblivious. Content. Her eyes are brown, I have to respond.
S’cuse me Lady, but do you have any change you could spare. I was a nurse in the war and I saw terrible things. I —Zone her out. Most people would have just continued walking by. Why did I stop? I always stop. Now I have to give something. Ah, who am I kidding, I would have given her money anyways. There’s something about this old woman. This sort of intensity that reminds me of…well it’s not important. (Feels odd connection).
Squats down and puts a fifty dollar bill in the old woman’s upturned hat. Now people stare. The sun irritates my neck. They’re not used to such humanity towards a lowly beggar. The tips of my ears burn. The woman holds many odors, none of them plesant.
Oh God bless you, Lady! God bless you!Smile. Nod nonchalantly. Get up and turn around. A pressure on my wrist? Turn.
Lady, for your generosity I can give you something in return…Brown eyes. How did she get up so fast? She must be fitter than she looks. The smell is gone. Brown eyes that burn holes in mine. There’s a light behind those eyes. It’s unsettling. Those are the eyes of a youth. The sun is sweltering. The eyes of energy and vigor combined and wisdom. I’m interested.
Lady, I have been around for a long time.Wrinkled face. Missing teeth. I don’t doubt that.
I have seen many things, Lady,Yeah, I’ll bet.
and I have come to know the way of many things.Eh?
If you’d wish it Lady, I can tell you the events of your future.Now people are really starting to stare. The look on my face has turned sour. My face is heated. Shock and surprise label it. The sun blisters the back of my neck and ears. My face burns. Sit her back down and take her up on her offer. Sit her back down with the gum and the cracks. Hopefully she won’t bother me anymore. Of all the people to give money to…
I have seen the lives of millions, Lady. I have seen their threads weave and intertwine. Three threads from two. Four, five, six threads from two. Such is the human condition, Lady. To seek love from others.Interesting. I reach and feel my neck. No blisters. It feels cool to my touch. Her face looks so sad. She speaks in whispers now.
I have also seen threads connect and end. A thread mingles with another thread and the latter is cut short. I have felt that pain, Lady. I have known what that cut feels like.She’s a dead sun now. She radiates exhaustion. Such a presence. I can’t help but feel sympathetic. She looks up. A grin in her eyes not shared by her mouth. Such a hot day.
It is not in my intention to manipulate you, Lady. But there is one thread that has continued throughout the ages, and I have spent more than one lifetime trying to find out where it ends. But threads are tricky things. Least alone those of the eternals…but that is not for you to know right now. Reading the lives of humans is tricky enough, as Fate is forever interjecting her ways into those threads.What a crazy old bat. At least it’s an entertaining story though.
She pauses, glaring at me for a second before continuing.
Sudden loves, deaths…children.I’ve been cut somehow. Deep inside. My stomach feels twisted. My heart dropped. How did she know? My worst fear and my yearnings. My hands tremble. How? Dry throat. She must know. There’s something in those eyes. What the hell…?
Lady, I don’t mean to manipulate you. I tell you these things to gain your trust.Don’t mean to manipulate? My mind spins. Gain my trust?
Lady, I know you’re not one of much faith. But believe me when I say: You will live a long happy life. You will help others. You’ve got a good heart. You will follow it.She says these more as commandments. My skin crawls. Gooseprints dot my arms. Her words make me feel tense and loose. My spine feels oddly curved. Sweat glues my shirt to me.
She smiles at my discomfort. The eyes dull. Her posture slumping, she smiles bigger.
God bless you, Lady. God bless you…She is exhausted. My shirt comes free. My spine straightens. Get the hell outta there. Turn and walk. The temperature equalizes.
Rush down the street. That old woman was crazy. She was insane! No way. No way. No way. No way. No way. No way. Bullshit. (The mind’s voice is harsh) Bullshit! (It makes me uncomfortable) My thoughts make me uncomfortable. Part of me knows it’s true. Part of me knows that the part of me that knows it’s true is lying. I can’t…(Silence) I can’t get it out! I can’t get it out of-
A man looking down at me.
Excuse me Miss, are you alright?My eyes flash upwards. He is taken aback. My haste has steered me into collision. Two threads. I study his face.
Miss?Genuine concern. He bends down and helps me collect the items fallen from my purse. Such a big purse. I feel stupid.
Here, let me help you up.He stands next to me and takes me above the elbow. I wince. My elbow broke my fall.
Oh no!He seems near tears,
Miss, you seem really hurt.Insist decency.
No, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t help you to a hospital. You’re elbow is already swelling up.Green. Red pain flares, but green. Those eyes. For the first time in days, a smile appears. He smiles back. Those green eyes. I’d kill to see those eyes shine.
I…
His voice trails off. His blushing creates an unintentional gleam. Radient.
Cue Cheesy Montage
Going to hospital.
The first date.
The fish swim gracefully as we walk through the glass room. Separate but intertwined. I mention my inundated fear of sharks. Smiles, steering me away from the shark tank.
The second date.
The Taste. So many tastes. I get the Hawaiian shish kabob, Asian pizza for him. So many tastes. Shish-covered-lips meet pizza-lips. The tastes don’t mix. We pretend otherwise.
The seventh date.
Dinner and a movie. Neither match the conversation.
The one-month anniversary. (There was a fire downtown, did you hear? Not far from where we met)Two, four, seven-month.
Holding hands. Innocent pillow-talk.
One, two, three, (quit job downtown. Take economics job at a community college) four, five, (Wedding), six, seven years.
S’cuse me, Lady.A clear, strong voice. High pitched with high energy. Bell-like. Ringing with command. Look around. The voice appears to be coming from a little girl leaning against the building. Her knee is bent, and her foot is propped against the wall of a moderately new building. She is looking down. I couldn’t ignore her if I tried. Others walk by ignoring her. It’s a nice day. She’s not wearing any shoes.
S’cuse me, Lady.I approach. She continues to study the gum-stains. My breath catches. Not sure why. Why…why…why…eye? Why I? Why me? Why “eye”?
Fire is a funny thing, Lady.I’m shaking. I…I am petrified and confident. I’m hot and cold. What the hell?! I don’t know why.
A long time ago fire claimed the building that was once here. There was only one death and one survivor.
No.
No one knew about the death. It never really happened. Not in the way you think of death anyways, Lady.…
A long time ago I burned out. Not everything lasts forever. When it does, love becomes a curse in Blessing’s skin, but I came back.It’s too…familiar…
She studies my shoes, ankles, knees,
You haven’t been down this way for a long while, Lady.hips, fingers, palms, wrists,
Do you remember, Lady? Two can become four? Five? Six?Smiling now. Petrified still. Pewterized feet protruding from the concrete.
forearms, elbows, shoulders,
Two can become three, Lady.Ants march up and down my arms. The sun swelters my neck. The girl smells like wood, ash…the little girl smells like fire.
collarbone, chin,
Do you remember?Her hair hides her face.
I feel my center. I feel calm. I feel something ready to explode from within. I feel the sun on my neck, I feel the breeze through my hair. I feel the weight of other people on the little square of sidewalk I stand on. I feel composed, misplaced, easy.
throat,
I smell the aftershave of men as they walk by. I smell the perfume of women as they pass. I smell the filth that wafts from the sewers, insistent in its existence.
The sun is cool. It’s playing its reverse.
chin,
I hear the shoes strike the concrete. I hear the people shouting “taxi! Taxi!”, I hear the breeze as it passes my ear. I hear the car horns.
lips,
It all fades.
nose,
I hear nothing. I feel calm. I smell wood, ash, fire. I see…eyes. I hear
Remember the threads, Lady.
Orbital
She nuzzled her head up against his uneven chest, ebbing and flowing
with the tide of his steady breathing. Her fingers tracing the back of
his arm, covered with scars and oddities accumulated over years of
growing up.
"I never dreamt this," she whispered quietly into his chest.
He inhaled deeply and exhaled a rumbling chuckle that originated from somewhere deep within his chest. Her head danced on his body as his muscles tensed mirth in globules. She smiled, sure he could feel her lips extend and curve upwards. You know what they say about laughter.
"Oh, is that so?" He wheedled, feigning soft menace.
They lay still, enjoying each other's heartbeats and even breaths. The carpet beneath them clean and the blanket on them thick, they both hovered on the edge of uncomfortably warm, neither wanted move for fear of shattering the peace. He craned his neck upwards and looked outwards through the glass.
"I can see Jupiter from here." His voice sounded strange, as if the words had first reverberated through a deep chasm before finding their way through his mouth.
She propped herself up on one elbow, disappointingly robbed of his kick-drum heartbeats. Looking out the window she chanced upon many shades of white, cream, silver, gold, orange, red, yellow, black. Unable to tell the difference between stars, planets, and satellites, she waited quietly.
"Many people looking at the planets pass right over Jupiter. Mercury is the closest, and so hot that metal becomes water; Venus is how Earth might become because of greenhouse gasses; Mars has little green men and ice; Saturn has those beautiful rings that Hollywood loves to remind us of in all the outer-space movies; Uranus is a perpetual joke, but our knowledge of it is still there; Neptune has the coolest name and has cartoon characters named after it; and Pluto...well Pluto is the baby of all the planets, has a cartoon character named after it, and is argued over its legitimacy as a true planet." A long silence. " Which is your favorite?"
"Hmm," she breathed, "I like Neptune the best."
"What does poor Jupiter have?" he softly pressed on. "Sure it's big, but the sun's bigger. It's got lots of colors, but none as pretty as Mercury's ember-red or Vensus's emerald-green." He paused but continued staring single-mindedly at a single point that she could not make out. "Jupiter's storm doesn't even compare to Saturn's rings."
He broke his gaze away from the night sky to stare into her eyes. She realized she was crying, but, for the life of her, she couldn't understand why. He smiled that diagonal line that she had come to know as wistful and looked seriously into her eyes, brushing away a tear with the knuckle of his right pointer-finer. He understood.
"It's beautifully tragic, isn't it?" his gaze shied away from hers, "Jupiter is the biggest, the most colorful. It's ignored. It has a storm that never stops, you know? Earth could fit into that storm and get blown away in an instant. People don't know. People don't understand." She lay still, waiting. "It's hard to love what you don't understand, don't you think?"
Tears streamed down her face. She smiled through them, once again resting her head on his broad chest, pressing her ear up to his heart. It beat softly. Hypnotically. Her tears trickled into his belly-button and pooled there. His heartbeat made her tranquil. She heard him from far away.
"I guess that's the trick though. Loving something you can't fully understand."
"I never dreamt this," she whispered quietly into his chest.
He inhaled deeply and exhaled a rumbling chuckle that originated from somewhere deep within his chest. Her head danced on his body as his muscles tensed mirth in globules. She smiled, sure he could feel her lips extend and curve upwards. You know what they say about laughter.
"Oh, is that so?" He wheedled, feigning soft menace.
They lay still, enjoying each other's heartbeats and even breaths. The carpet beneath them clean and the blanket on them thick, they both hovered on the edge of uncomfortably warm, neither wanted move for fear of shattering the peace. He craned his neck upwards and looked outwards through the glass.
"I can see Jupiter from here." His voice sounded strange, as if the words had first reverberated through a deep chasm before finding their way through his mouth.
She propped herself up on one elbow, disappointingly robbed of his kick-drum heartbeats. Looking out the window she chanced upon many shades of white, cream, silver, gold, orange, red, yellow, black. Unable to tell the difference between stars, planets, and satellites, she waited quietly.
"Many people looking at the planets pass right over Jupiter. Mercury is the closest, and so hot that metal becomes water; Venus is how Earth might become because of greenhouse gasses; Mars has little green men and ice; Saturn has those beautiful rings that Hollywood loves to remind us of in all the outer-space movies; Uranus is a perpetual joke, but our knowledge of it is still there; Neptune has the coolest name and has cartoon characters named after it; and Pluto...well Pluto is the baby of all the planets, has a cartoon character named after it, and is argued over its legitimacy as a true planet." A long silence. " Which is your favorite?"
"Hmm," she breathed, "I like Neptune the best."
"What does poor Jupiter have?" he softly pressed on. "Sure it's big, but the sun's bigger. It's got lots of colors, but none as pretty as Mercury's ember-red or Vensus's emerald-green." He paused but continued staring single-mindedly at a single point that she could not make out. "Jupiter's storm doesn't even compare to Saturn's rings."
He broke his gaze away from the night sky to stare into her eyes. She realized she was crying, but, for the life of her, she couldn't understand why. He smiled that diagonal line that she had come to know as wistful and looked seriously into her eyes, brushing away a tear with the knuckle of his right pointer-finer. He understood.
"It's beautifully tragic, isn't it?" his gaze shied away from hers, "Jupiter is the biggest, the most colorful. It's ignored. It has a storm that never stops, you know? Earth could fit into that storm and get blown away in an instant. People don't know. People don't understand." She lay still, waiting. "It's hard to love what you don't understand, don't you think?"
Tears streamed down her face. She smiled through them, once again resting her head on his broad chest, pressing her ear up to his heart. It beat softly. Hypnotically. Her tears trickled into his belly-button and pooled there. His heartbeat made her tranquil. She heard him from far away.
"I guess that's the trick though. Loving something you can't fully understand."
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